Welcome to Gender and Communication! I am looking forward to reading your thoughts. The idea of this blog is share your gender moments. I want you to learn to see the world through your "gender and communication classes", so to speak. Share with the class each week how you are recognizing the concepts and topics being discussed in class in the "real world". What are you learning about the way you think about Gender? How are you evolving or opening up your perspectives to see the issue of gender differently than you did before you started this course? What discoveries are you making that are surprising you? Are you having Eureka moments? We will blog this week on the class blog. Please indicate in the first line of your blog which section your are in this summer OL1 or OL2. (Please go to our Bb system to find full directions for blogging.) Post this week a moment that you recognized a gender issue in your life. Share with us your experience or moment and how it is shaping your life.
My weekly post: This past Saturday, I took my four year old daughter to McDonalds for a Happy Meal at lunchtime. We were waiting for our order and I noticed two young men around 18-19 years old holding hands. I was taken back and caught my breath for a moment at this sight. I was taken back because these two young men were not shy at all expressing their affection towards each other. One of the men waited in line for the order and the other went and found a table to eat. He kissed him before he left him at the counter. I have reflected back at this moment and have asked myself why I was surprised. I think it was their age and not so much their sexual orientation. How freely they felt expressing their feelings towards each other without hesitation. How at this age, whatever your sexual orientation, it tends to be a bit inhibited, (at least I was a little self conscious expressing PDA's!) and yet, these two men were not the least bit inhibited. Are we making strides in our society that we are finding greater tolerance for one another? Has this message really sinking in within this society that these men have learned it? I wasn't the least uncomfortable with their expression and think it was how freely and natural it was for them that caught me off guard. I continued with finding my daughter's chicken nuggets and orange drink and left, but, not until I asked myself, why was I taken off guard....
OL1
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Jackie (Jacqueline). I am 20 and just last year I realized I was a lesbian. I was so happy with my new girlfriend that I came out and introduced her to my family and close friends. Your post made me think about how great it is that those men were comfortable enough with themselves and their relationship to be so open in public. My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months and we are both pretty comfortable holding hands and such in public. We do know, however, that there are times when our relationship and the PDAs would not be accepted, like around her parents who are very religious and do not accept her sexuality. I think our society is making strides, both for the gay community and in general in terms of accepting PDAs (in appropriate and considerate forms, like holding hands, etc.) I think there is still plenty of time before they do not draw a second glance or worse depending on the situation, but I do appreciate the times I feel comfortable being open with my girlfriend.
OL1
ReplyDeleteHello, I'm Taara, 21 years old and a junior. I actually had a Eureka! moment from reading the original post, and never quite realized before why I would cringe at anyone in a relationship; male and female, female and female, or male and male, usually young adults. I always thought it was because I have yet to have a serious, long term relationship, and left it at that. Thinking no further on the subject matter. I tend to go to a store of some sort every week and see this. Usually when I am out shopping with my mom, I am bound to see a couple, just overly into each other. They are kissing all over one another, fondling, just being too affectionate. I always thought it was because I wanted what that person has. Now with reading the original post, I have realized that is partly it. It has more to do with the PDA, at times it really is too much for certain public places. And being that my mom was never the one for being overly affectionate in a relationship, I think I am imitating her behaviors. Which leads back to the readings from chapters one and two. My mom is someone I am quite frequently around, and her actions and behviors reflect on me, but not in a negative way. Overall, I am happy for people who have found what they have been looking for, it does not matter to me the gender of the two in the relationship. And I do not mind the occasional PDA, but being all over one another (things that should be left to the imagination) is not something I am comfortable with.
Hi, I'm Dana and I'm 30 years old. Your experience with the two young men brought me back to a time when I was enraged at public surprise to homosexual pda’s. As a teen my own way of challenging rigid belief systems that did not allow for homosexual love (or condemned it) was with an angry and rebellious, in your face response. I would debate anyone who was made uncomfortable by such an experience. I felt every one should be completely comfortable with any and all expressions of gender and sexuality in an ideal world. In growing up, I have become more accepting of diverse reactions, habits, beliefs, etc. For example, you were taken aback by the ease of their public affection. This did not predicate that you were bigoted or homophobic. That was a difficult concept for 18 year old Dana to understand. I understand how Jackie and her girlfriend may or may not want to show such a display for example in front of her religious parents. Essentially, shouldn’t the choice be up to the individuals regardless of their sexual orientation or gender? It is Jackie and her girlfriend’s call as to what level of affection is appropriate in various situations. I don’t think leaning towards discretion in front of her parents denotes any form of uneasiness with showing affection however. It is each individual’s right to gauge comfort level. In my own experience, I’ve learned to accept that others were not exposed to my same upbringing and social factors that influenced my outlook. If it was me in the McDonalds I would have been smiling at their lack of hesitation and hopeful that with each generation the scrutiny and backlash to homosexuality, and especially pda’s, is waning. I’m not sure that is the case but optimism doesn’t hurt!
ReplyDeleteIn the same sense, I can respect Tara's feeling that pda's may be too excessive although I myself am quite liberal on the matter. I had a similar experience with my family who did not express affection this way. However, it affected be conversely. I find I emphasize public displays of affection and value them more since I was deprived of this form of communication during childhood. Of course I completely respect individual perspectives on the issue.
OL 1
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Danielle, I just walked at graduation last week and I am finishing up my degree this summer. I have a harder time accepting people who are very affectionate in public mainly because I, myself, am more shy and tend to not be as straight forward. It is of curiosity to me how gender in a sense does affect sexuality and how our society accepts the two genders and their approaches to sexual preference. I have a few relatives on my mother's side who are gay and I remember the night my aunt told us that she and two of her brothers, (my uncles) were gay. I was in forth grade and I was spending the night at our favorite aunts house, when her and her partner told me. I had never questioned the fact that they were two women who lived together; in fact I thought it was a perfectly acceptable scenario. At that age, I was still young enough not to really understand the pressures and conformities that society places on us and it did not seem like an unreasonable arrangement for two grown women to be living together; without husband or children. I think society puts such an emphasis on someone’s sexual orientation that starts when we’re apparently too young to even realize or know what this means.
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ReplyDeletePer the instruction about posting our personal blogs on this site, please see below:
ReplyDeleteMonday, May 17, 2010
My first blog
Today is the first day of my online class for the summer semester - Gender & Communication. Being a HR Professional, I found this topic intriguing and oddly enough, found myself wanting to dive right into the book and learn all the interesting facts. I was pretty surprised to learn, almost right off the bat, that gender and sex have different meanings. I also don't think I realized how much interest there was in this topic and how analyzed it is. It's interesting to me how some people are so caught up in not being "stereotyped". Is it really that deep? Don't we all realize that not everyone is the same and there are always exceptions to the "rule"? It's funny because my husband and I don't have the "typical" roles society would say are the norm.. My husband goes to school, takes care of the kids, household chores and dinner most of the time, while I work full-time, go to school, etc. Regardless of what others may think, this works for us! The funny thing is, which I noticed the book pointed out pretty early on, is that I'll still tend to offer up responsibilities that men have to my husband such as clearing the sidewalk after it snows. He's always baffled when I play the "most men..." card, especially since our relationship is not like most others. I'm sure by the end of this class I'll be more aware of the things I say and do. Looking forward to where this takes me...
In response to the post about the McDonalds visit...
ReplyDeleteI am married with 3 children and have strong religous beliefs as a Christian. While I do not "believe in" homosexuality, I do have close friends who are gay. While it may not be my choice, I still accept and love my friends who do. If I was at the McDonalds with my kids who noticed the PDA between the 2 young boys, I would probably have talked to them after explaining that while that is not what we believe, others have different beliefs and thus, may make other choices..
Hello Everyone,
ReplyDeleteI am Tamica and I also hit a Eureka moment while reading the professor's blog. I always thought of myself as being of the mindset of "Live and let live." I have a lot of friends with different genders every since I first went to college back in 1993 (yes I am old lol.) I never thought I had a problem with them being affectionate in public since I was so use to seeing that. But today I was in a similar situation. I was in the store with my 9 year old daughter and two men were holding hands and kissing. I am ashamed to say I was not only embarrassed for them (yes while I am typing this I am saying to myself who am I to be embarrassed because they were very comfortable) but I also agreed silently with the rude remarks that were said to them by the other patrons of the store.
I had to ask myself these questions:
Am I really that comfortable with them being affectionate in public? My answer was yes as long as there weren't any children around.
This led to another question:
Why not in front of my daughter? My husband and I are affectionate with the holding hands, hugging, and kissing in front of her so why do I think it's not ok for any other couple?
After we left the store I asked my daughter how did she feel about what she had seen. She looked at me and smiled and said "Isn't love grand!" So I just left it at that.
I will continue to probe myself and be honest about what I really think and make sure I am living that mindset "Live and let live!" to the fullest.
Hi are you guys doing? I'm Jeff Andre and I'm twenty two years old. I plan on graduating in August and I just walked for graduation a few days ago, so I feel pretty good about that. I have always had an interest in the ways people communicate with one another and the actions and reactions that come about as a result. Sociology was always one of my favorite subjects.
ReplyDeleteI'll start by saying that it's always a little hard to be considerate of different people's different perspectives and beliefs. When you are raised to uphold and continue certain values and standards, anything that strays from that original path results in a little a double glance or awkward look. I don't think our society is at the point in which every perspective and orientation is respected and treated equally--in fact, I know that it isn't. Hopefully, with time the "norms" and regulations society has put forth will disappear and everyone will receive equal respect and consideration, but that is a long time coming if ever at all. If that concept is to ever be achieved, it will be the responsibility of everyone--including the individuals in question--to be forth the effort for acceptance. Anyone who ever forcibly makes his/herself the center of attention and/or causes a scene will never truly be accepted--they'll just be seen as a disturbance. If one wants to be treated equally then they must act equally. If this happens, then a subtle display of affection such as holding hands--between two men for example, will no longer be worthy that second glance.
OL1
ReplyDeleteI am Tamica and I also hit a Eureka moment while reading the professor's blog. I always thought of myself as being of the mindset of "Live and let live." I have a lot of friends with different genders every since I first went to college back in 1993 (yes I am old lol.) I never thought I had a problem with them being affectionate in public since I was so use to seeing that. But today I was in a similar situation. I was in the store with my 9 year old daughter and two men were holding hands and kissing. I am ashamed to say I was not only embarrassed for them (yes while I am typing this I am saying to myself who am I to be embarrassed because they were very comfortable) but I also agreed silently with the rude remarks that were said to them by the other patrons of the store.
I had to ask myself these questions:Am I really that comfortable with them being affectionate in public? My answer was yes as long as there weren't any children around. This led to another question:Why not in front of my daughter? My husband and I are affectionate with the holding hands, hugging, and kissing in front of her so why do I think its not ok for any other couple?
After we left the store I asked my daughter how did she feel about what she had seen. She looked at me and smiled and said "Isn't love grand!" So I just left it at that.I will continue to probe myself and be honest about what I really think and make sure I am living that mindset "Live and let live!" to the fullest.
Hi I'm Dawn and I'm 48 years old (almost! - I actually celebrate my age!). I grew up in a sandwich type generation I think. My mom was the traditional stay at home mom until I was in high school, as were all my aunts. That was their role for most of their lives - it was the norm not the exception. Only after the children were grown did they begin to explore outside the house for employment. As I became an adult, I went to work in a stereotypical gender occupation (secretary)instead of college. My marriage was different than my parents though. Time and perceptions had evolved the acceptable roles that I could live within. I worked through pregnancy, stayed home while my child was little and went back to work after a couple years. I did the same thing with my 2nd. Sort of like having the best of both worlds available to me. Both my husband and I (and most of our friends our age) are a type of "tween" ...in between traditional parents and less gender restricted children. While I still value some of the traditional roles I was raised with like having the opportunity and being fortunate enough of being able to care for my children myself while they were little and finding a way to be available for my children through high school (I stayed a secretary so I could have a job but not a career that would take me away). While we had a wonderful babysitter once they started school - who is still more like a distant aunt than a sitter... I could still focus on making sure they had me around as they needed me. At the same time I worked hard and contributed along with my husband to our family's home and financial security. When time came for the focus to shift back to my husband and myself as our kids became adults and 'left the nest', I went back to school to finish my education - and here I am nearly done! Now, I'm ready to look towards in-laws and grandchildren. The opportunity to teach them like I did my children about being who you are, accepting people for who they are, and not judging someone just because YOU think they should behave a certain way.
ReplyDeleteAs for judging people, one would think that someone of my age would be taken aback at the sight of a homosexual couple. Quite the contrary is true! I have several male and female friends who are in committed loving relationships same sex relationships. Their love and affection (even PDA) never bother me. I've seen more inappropriate PDA by young heterosexual couples than by any gay or lesbian couples I know. Sometimes I am actually envious of their ability to cast off society's judging eyes and just be who they are. Exactly what they deserve to be...themselves! My son and daughter don't even blink at same sex couples. I am hopeful that as their generation and the future generations accept differences in all aspects of their lives, judgment will become the exception and recognition of differences as a positive enriching quality in everyones's lives will be the norm. At least I can hope...
OL1
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Katarzyna (Kat for short), I am 22 and finishing up my degree in August. As a response to your post Professor, I think that more and more we are seeing gay couples expressing their sexuality publicly. I can understand why you were caught off guard. 1. your young daughter was with you being exposed to something people don't consider "normal" and 2. it was two young boys kissing and acting like a couple. After 4 years of college, I learned a lot about people, and their sexualities. In high school, the gay kids would seclude themselves and would deny any homosexual allegations because they would be tormented, judged, and discriminated against. But being in college you see the gay world in a completely different light. Homosexuals are open and free to talk about it and flaunt it. They love themselves and who they are and are not afraid to act like it. I feel as though in high school people are much more narrow minded and haven't really had a taste of the real world yet. But after 4 years of college (the time to experiment and find yourself) you see and learn a lot just through observation. I am happy to hear that those two young boys felt secure enough in their own skin to be able to publicly express who they truly are. PDA in my opinion should be kept to a minimum and should be done in a classy way if necessary, whether straight or gay. However, I feel as though society is in fact becoming used to the idea that homosexuals exist and they ARE real people with feelings and emotions. The realization is definitely a good thing though; when society keeps its mind closed off from reality then we start to have problems such as hate and discrimination. I hope that more and more people become open to homosexuality because it is in our present and our future and there is nothing anyone can do to prevent it. We are all human beings and deserve love in whichever way is good for us as individuals.
Jeff, I can't agree more with your statement that people who have to draw attention to themselves are seen as a disturbance. Their behaviors typically only serve to promote a negative response. If done as an organized group with a sense of purpose (I'm thinking of the women's movement and civil rights movements of the 60s) - and not a crowd mentality, reactions are different. Everyone is entitled to be who they are and to be respected without stranger-imposed judgment. Respect is fluid, it can be given and taken away as well as vary in degree. What determines the level of respect deserved is tied directly to the amount of respect given. When a person individually stands up and shout out loud about an injustice, it's been my experience that most really have nothing to say about the greater good, only their personal gripe. However, when a group of people assemble and coherently and with conviction state their case for change, people may listen. Once people listen, it's half the battle of facilitating change. I believe there will always be bigots and naysayers, people that are afraid of change, afraid of the unknown. But, thankfully I think there are more people willing to accept and embrace change and they will help facilitate positive outcomes.
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm Irene! This is my very last semester at Rider and I am so excited to have this class as my last experience. I would have walked at graduation- but I am stubborn and.. honestly just didn't feel like it. So... my graduation date is Spring 2010!
ReplyDeleteI loved your post, Professor! I currently work at Starbucks and one of our barista's is completely awesome.. very handsome, very charismatic... customers love him and he's gay.
It is always fun to see the reaction people have when "regular" see his boyfriend come in. Perhaps they had preconceived notions about how a young gay man would behave- but I doubt they expected he was.
It is also very eye opening to hear his and his boyfriends (very, very different) experiences of "coming out."
I am from the midwest and honestly did not have experiences with very many (openly) gay people. I also went to Catholic school for most of my education. Reading (or hearing) this would probably make someone assume that I have "issues" with homosexuality. Quite the opposite, actually... over the last 7 or 8 years I have become very close friends and interacted with many, many different people from all walks of life and feel more blessed for knowing them than before.
I think that we all have certain preconceived notions of how someone should or will behave. People assume that because I was raised in the midwest and attended Catholic schools that I will be "uptight" or judgmental or that my friend and his boyfriend live in a land of pink and rainbows. Quite the opposite for both. And I do hope you laughed at the "land of pink and rainbows" because the statement is as absurd as the assumption.
I find it interesting when people cringe at the sight of a same-sex couple showing affection to one another in public. Would these same people have a similar reaction to a heterosexual couple showing affection? Personally- anyone "making out" or "fondling' one another in public is entirely inappropriate. Thanks for the free show- but please take it back to the bedroom. However- I have no problem with hand holding, hugs... general sweetness and kindness that people in love share.
I think that the idea of "choice" with regards to ones sexual orientation is interesting. For some- perhaps it is a choice. Research as well as self-reported surveys do show that for some they have made a conscious decision to be with individuals of the same sex. However, far more often than not- this is not a choice. It is simply who a person is. I cannot help that I am attracted to men- that is what feels natural and normal to me. The same goes for my friend who is a man and is attracted to men. It is what feels natural and normal to him.
Hi I am Jeanine and this is my first gender class as well as first on-line class so I am just getting adjusted to this blogging thing. I think I am getting the hang of it...really not that hard. Anyway I enjoyed reading your post Prof. It brought me into my personal life. My sister is a lesbian and she did not come out until after she had a child and was engaged to a man. This was a shock to me and my family but we have always kept our arms and our heart open. Her "wife" is part of our family. I put wife in quotation marks because legally it is not acknowledged. We accept it and acknowledge it in out lives and that is all we can do for now....man what a terrible thing.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning I had a hard time dealing with it. At first I thought it was because she was gay and that I was uncomfortable with that. As I read your post I realized that it goes much deeper then that for me.
Yes I will admit it is uncomfortable for me to see the way people look at her or the way she is judged. Most of all it hurts me to see the struggle she goes through just living against what our society claims to be the right way to live. What I discovered for me through reading your post and doing some of my own soul searching was that I had a deep relationship with her boyfriend prior to this. He was like a big brother to me so when I lost him I was hurt. And then here came her new girlfriend. So it was never the fact that I didn't agree with it or that it isn't the norm but it was because I felt like her being a lesbian took away my friend. It is relieving to be able to actually figure out why I felt the way I did for such a long time.
I do wish that the struggle everyone has to go through would cease to exist. Life is so limiting when you are unable to enjoy it to its fullest. I put myself in my sisters position so often and my heart breaks. It is super courageous to be true to yourself and who you were made to be but at the same time having society tell you that who you are is wrong.
We have made such strides as a society but still have so much further to go.
OL2
ReplyDeleteEureka #1
This week I recognized a gender issue in my life. I teach 2-3 year old children at a childcare center. This week I gave them princes and princesses to color. Naturally I gave the boys the princes and the girls the princesses. I saw no problem with this. However, one boy asked for a princess to color. This caught me by surprise. I did not know how to react at first. So I told him that he can color the prince only. Then he asked me why. I responded by telling him that he is a boy so he should color the prince. Then he was quiet. Now when I look back I realize that I should have just given him the princess to color. Or I could have given the choice to all of the children of whether they wanted to color the prince or the princess. After all, what is the harm in a 3 year old boy liking princesses? I guess some people would think that if the male student colored a princess, it would not be masculine. Now I know that I need to be aware of the way I communicate with children in the future. This is the age where children really start to be aware of gender and sex differences. Also, as their teacher, I help shape their perceptions of what they consider to be feminine and masculine as they mature.
Hello! Im in OL1. I just graduated this May (but will officially be done in August). My favorite part about graduating was getting engaged the day after! So on top of my three classes, this summer, and working full time, im now planning a wedding. I should have alot of fun stuff to share!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post. I have no problem at all with peoples choice in partners. I think its great that people can be comfortable in their own skin and can walk proud. The only thing I do have a problem with is PDA. I have a problem with that whehter you are Gay or straight. Holding hands I have no problem with, however I don't need to see anything else. There is a time and place for things and sometimes I feel people don't see that. In some cases, I feel that people do it to put themselves on display almost like, "hey, look at me!" I mean if you are going to give a little hug or kiss goodbye or hello, that is fine too. There are just boundaries, and more and more I personally feel they are being overstepped in some places. When the PDA gets out of control, that is where my comfort level drops and I always wonder if other people around me feel the same way.
Ashley, that is a really interesting experience you had with the three-year old boy. I bet after doing the reading for the week you felt like some kind of gender role oppressor or something of the like. That's alright though, it takes awareness of a different perspective to call your own into question. I'm sure you didn't think of yourself and being rude or uncompromising with the child--it just made sense that he should color the prince because they are both male and, thus, they should interact.
ReplyDeleteYou know, it's strange the way gender roles are promoted by individuals in our society. It's an old stereotype that fathers don't want their boys to play with dolls or, in this case, color princesses in fear that the boys will begin developing feminine qualities that will stir the young boy into the "dark and forbidden" world of homosexuality. So, the father only lets little Bobby play with male action figures, play in team sports with only boys, and buys him toys guns and knives for Christmas so Bobby can grow up to be a real tough guy. I'm not sure if you picked up on it, but all of these activities are extremely homo-social--(male on male intimate situations). Now I'm not bashing organized sports or GI Joes because lord knows that I played football and that I still have a few GI Joes in my closet, but I'm just illustrating the hypocrisy of the situation. It would seem that if a father were so concerned about his son's heterosexual integrity then he would encourage his son's interest in the other sex. I think it's a well known fact that a guy who can't relate to anything feminine probably won't do to well with the ladies.
As people, it is completely necessary for us to be exposed to all aspects of gender--because, whether we want to or not, we will be exposed simply by life experience alone. It is a shallow individual who cannot understand any other perspective but his/her own. So I say,let the boys color those princesses, and let the girls color the princes--the less the learn about gender roles the better.
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteI’m Yesenia and I am not a traditional student. I’m 37 years old and I work full time and attend school part-time. I would like to comment on the professor’s experience at McDonald’s. I’ve never been a big fan of PDA, especially in restaurants. I also would have been taken aback, not because of the homosexually, but with the PDA and in all places…. McDonald’s! It just seems that now a days, people in general are participating more and more in PDA. I personally don’t understand why someone would want to draw attention to themselves.
But, when it comes to love, I think people should be allowed to be with whomever makes them happy. In my experience, when it came to dating, I never had a criteria when it pertained to race. I was always open minded because a good man is hard to find, and the last thing I needed was to make it even more difficult by making race an issue. So, needless to say, I’ve had the opportunity to go out with wonderful men of different ethnicities. But, as a teenager and young adult, I remember getting stares or hearing comments from bystanders. People, for some strange reason, were taken aback with interracial relationships. So when I hear that same sex couples are feeling more and more comfortable being themselves in public, it lets me know that we as a society are finding greater tolerance for one another. And I think that is a really very good thing.
OL1
ReplyDeleteHello Everyone,
I've honestly been taking college course forever (it feels like). I've raised 3 children who are now older than a few of you. I started college right out of high school but married and started a family young so my college degree pursuit was put on hold. I focused my time and energy into childrearing until my last child entered grade school at which point I picked up a part time job to 'save my brain'. Years passed and I now work fulltime in Clinical Research and travel about 50% of the time so online classes is the way to go for me.
Television actually forced a Eureka moment on me. Last Friday night I was watching a 'Primetime' episode titled 'What Would You Do'. If you haven't watched this show you might want to because it focuses on topics that may make some of us uncomfortable and it tests our sense of injustice. The show used actors to reenact situations addressing social issues. Would we as observers intervene if we saw an injustice? The episode last week took place in a busy restaurant. The actors included a waiter, manager, a family consisting of a lesbian couple and two young children. The restaurant was filled with patrons enjoying their meals. The family arrived and was seated at a table. The women did display some affection to each other but not excessive. The waiter (actor) immediately and consistently made derogatory remarks to the couple showing his disgust and he made a point of sharing his narrow opinion to other patrons. Everyone sitting in that restaurant brought with them their own beliefs and views so it was interesting to see how they handled the situation. Many remained silent even though they obviously were uncomfortable with what was occurring. The ones that did speak out spoke volumes. If the situation looked like it could get physical, the reporter stepped in. One man in particular was deeply affected because he related this injustice to another injustice that happened years ago….the time his parents spent in a Nazi concentration camp. He felt that if people had spoken up about the atrocities being committed by the Nazi than more lives would have been saved. He, in good conscience, could not sit by and watch an injustice happen in front of his eyes.
This episode made me look into myself. I believe in the saying ‘to each his own’ but I do wonder if I would be the person who sits by while an injustice occurs or would I act? I hope it would be the latter.
Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI can totally appreciate your revelation on the impact we have on children regarding what is considered acceptable. I remember when Cabbage Patch dolls were popular and they came in male and female versions. It was very interesting how many investigative news reports aired and were published discussing if boys should play with dolls. It was acceptable for boys to play with GI Joe plastic figures but a soft, plushy baby-like doll….that was the question. While looking through a family photo album recently, I came across a picture of my three children, nieces, and nephews and they are all holding Cabbage Patch dolls. Move ahead…many of them are wonderful, loving, nurturing parents. Where are those news stories now?
When the little boy asked you ‘why’ he couldn’t have the princess to color, it showed that he hasn’t been brainwashed into defining a particular gender role for himself yet. I hope that you don’t beat yourself up about this because we are all constantly learning and in this case I bet you will handle a situation like this differently in the future.
Taara,
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate your confusion in your reaction when you see PDA that is ‘really too much’. I guess my question is what defines excessive PDA. As we can tell already this week, we have a very diverse group of students in this class and I bet if we asked everyone what they consider to be excessive we would get many different answers. When you stated that you thought at first your reaction to PDAs was due to not yet having a serious, long term relationship, that made me think. I travel a lot with work and many times I’m traveling with coworkers. On two separate trips with two different single coworkers, there were numerous situations where they commented on excessive PDAs that they saw. I honestly didn’t either notice them or they didn’t strike me as excessive. I know these coworkers well so we did have a conversation about this and they both stated that they wished that they were in relationships. My point is that things aren’t as simple was we think and many factors play a role on how we view things and how we react. As long as we keep our minds open and take classes like this that make a sit back and really think, we will continue to have Eureka moments.
Hi, I am Mike.
ReplyDeleteOL2
The new generation and the media have made it an acceptable norm. Each generation has different images of sexual orientation. The two boys expressing affection toward each other isn’t surprising for me. I think society is accepting the issue of various sexual orientations; however, sexual orientation is being challenge in the southern states as unacceptable behaviors. An interracial relationship is still not accepted in the south. I work in a school and this year we have an openly transsexual student. I admit at times I feel uncomfortable around, because I am learning how to treat him. I don’t know how to treat him, according the expectation of masculine and feminine role. I know he is a male, but his appearance and characteristics are female. The perception of male and female students is the same. The students accept him and they see his appearance as norm. The uncomfortable feelings I have don’t come from me questioning my sexuality, but I was confuse about my expectation of the student. I look at him as a student, but I am confronted by the societal expectations, which I learned as a child at a Baptist Sunday school. I am learning to treat him with help from the students as a normal student, despite his appearance.
Ashley,
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What a great thought to give them a choice – my question would be then – why couldn’t you give them other things to color – prince and princesses only perpetuate the stereotypes – we don’t have royalty in our culture so it’s not like they are exposed to anything except in fairy tales and they aren’t real. The Social Learning Theory (Wood p. 50) states that “individuals learn to be masculine and feminine primarily by imitating others and getting responses from others to their behaviors.” Behaviors of princes is great – they get to be handsome and chivalrous but the behaviors of princesses are to be weak (since they are always needing to be rescued by the prince), beautiful which only causes women to subject their bodies to scrutiny, and enamored by their rescuer(s). Not such redeeming qualities if you believe women are equally strong willed, independent and self sufficient. To avoid the whole gender issue, why not give them pictures of frogs or turtles or scenery? Or if you want to address male/female pictures – how about a picture of a family where they get to color the entire picture? I think when we recognize something that is gender based, in order to correct it we have to remove as much gender stereotype as we can from the situation – not just make accommodations for it.
Thanks for bringing it up – who knew something so innocent could cause such a ruckus!
Dawn
May 21, 2010 12:56 PM
OL1
ReplyDeleteGreetings classmates. I am Jennifer, I am 27 years old and I participated in commencement earlier this month. This class along with Sitcoms and American Culture are my two final classes at Rider. This is my first experience with online classes at Rider, however, I have taken them at community college with great success. It appears that we all have very diverse backgrounds and it should make for an interesting six weeks.
I had two “eureka” moments this week although I did not realize either until today.
#1
I work as a legal assistant at the Princeton branch of a very large law firm based in Reading, Pennsylvania. Our firm is not very diverse; it is comprised of predominately heterosexual, white middle-aged (“boomer” aged) males. There are very few minority races represented at both the attorney and staff level and women are outnumbered. I work for three attorneys, two females and one male. The male attorney is a 60 year old openly gay man with two failed marriages and two sons. Although He fits the sex and age category for the stereotypical attorney at my firm, his gender orientation is certainly a minority. On Friday, he called me from the road to check his messages and we got into a humorous exchange about his unreliable Verizon Fios internet service which is typical because he is overly dramatic and loves to vent to me. To make a long (albeit hysterically comical) story short, in the context of his story, he said the word “fag.” It really stood out to me and although I’ve heard the word used many times by others and particularly in television and movies, it really bothered me. Although I understand it was not meant to be derogatory in the context in of our conversation, I did not think it was okay for him to use that sort of language simply because he is actually gay. I feel like I should hold him to a higher standard because he IS gay and BECAUSE he went through the struggles that many face when battling gender identity and orientation. How can he expect others to accept him if he himself perpetuates the sexuality based slander?
Piggybacking on my workplace, another thought just occurred to me. Women attorneys struggle more often than men to make partner simply because women have babies. Women take maternity leave and if a child is sick, women are more often the ones who disrupt both their professional and personal life to attend to their family. Of course, there are exceptions, but in my (short) life experience, part time lawyer / part time mommy is not tolerated very well in the legal world.
And one more piggyback. The women I work for are also boomers, one aged 60 and one aged 55, who went to law school at a time when women were not pursuing careers, let alone one that was dominated by men (much like the story about Hillary Clinton in our text). Because of this, I find that this peer group of women attorneys are often more cutthroat than the men in this age group and certainly more so than younger female attorneys. Their style of dress is generally more masculine and they pay little attention to their outward appearance. If I was ignorant, I would think the majority of them were lesbians. I find though, that because going to law school at the time these women did was so unheard of, they had to “masculinize” themselves and be assertive and cut throat to make their bones, if you will.
Eureka moment #2
ReplyDeleteI was walking through Cherry Hill Mall on Saturday morning and passed two young Asian girls who were holding hands. My immediate thought was, “They must be lesbians.” This, however, is not true. Not all women who hold hands are homosexual. This was ignorant on my part. I think that affection between same sex does not necessarily correlate with gender orientation. I do think, however, that because women are usually more affectionate than men, it is more “acceptable as normal” for two women to show affection and not necessarily be gay.
As for PDA, whether it be heterosexual or otherwise, I do agree that there is a time and place for everything. It is a matter of a couple’s comfort with their audience as well as their security in themselves and their own sexuality.
One last point. I do not mean to oversimplify the issue of sexuality here, but in all honestly and notwithstanding that it is none of my business to begin with, I do not care what anyone does in the bedroom with his or her partner. If we do not have the freedom to love whomever we want or to be intimate with whomever we want, we might as well go back to the stone age when man clubbed woman and drug her home and called her his own wife, or better yet, property. We do not live in a culture that forces arranged marriages upon its people so why should we force heterosexuality or the idea that there is only one kind of love upon everyone?
Hello classmates, my name is Lauren Tracy. I am 22 years old and taking summer classes to finish up before I student teach in the Fall. I had my eureka moment the other day at the dog park. I go with a few people that try to meet up there around the same time every few days. I was talking with two women who go there about wedding anniversaries. I am not married but I said my boyfriend and I are celebrating our two year anniversary this July. The other woman was saying how after three years of marriage she and her husband do not do much anymore. The other woman told me she went on vacation to celebrate their five year wedding anniversary. I was asking what their husbands names were when the second woman told me she had a wife. I think my reaction showed because I suddenly got very shocked and embarrassed. She was nice and said it happened to her all the time. I felt so bad after that conversation because I had this image of what a gay woman should look like in my mind and she did not fit that image. It did not bother me that she was gay or married to a woman but I would have never guessed that she was. Who is to say how a gay or lesbian person should look or act? I had this stereotypical image in my mind which was completely wrong. It just shows that society does impact our thinking without us even realizing it.
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